An Ode to Public Masturbation

by Chris Shing and David Le


Any experts here?


Now I'm already a student.
nobody does it better and its free
now that I've learned it. I've gotta try it some time
its very easy to do and it doesn't look so unnatural.

No, I'm not talking about my magic here, but....
Didn't mean to brag there, but I "did" it right the day I learned it.
some of you might get what I'm trying to say
So who deviced it? Stunned David Le

I learned it thru brainstorming and constant rewinds,
its a matter of getting it done right and accurately
it relieves tension and feels really good.
Amen. Amen. Amen.

Practice in front of friends who know about you and what you do,
practice in front of friends who "couldn't care less" about what you are doing,
practice in front of people who understand that you are praticing and won't mind you.
“Good. Watch. Okay watch. Look. Watch. Watch. Look”,

For me it's EVERYDAY, for about 2 hours a day.
I did it 3 times today for different people
and I use a "thrust forward" motion to shade the action.
they wanted me to "do it again!" and they were college students at that!

If their parents "close in" I try to be friendlier
usually, the parents want me to do it to the kids rather than actually participate in what I'm doing.
they just watch with friends, or classmates and schoolmates,
Now that's what I'm talkin' about

I personally don't do Spectator Insert for people I know.
that way it won't feel so awkward.
Since they know I'm a magi, they just wink at me though
and I'm kinda excited.

tell me tell me! and where can I learn it?
It takes practice, and for starters,
watching those retarded, confusing, cluttered, provocative David Lynch movies
just my observations. just my recommendations

So, you're a hobbit, mate?
have you ever gotten busted, mate?
luckily, I haven't been....
But seriously mate, all you need to do is "dip" it or "shade" it with your other hand.

If there's so much heat,
I wouldn't worry about that.
the best thing to do there is to stop performing and fight the urge.
stick to going to your mall or doing it in some sidewalk (if you dare!)

Just don't try to do it fast.
Oh, so he wants quick??
but ahhh,
It's done.


It's good. Really.